Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Ohio bartenders oppose new concealed carry law

Bartenders in Ohio just strike me as a little hypocritical with these outrageous arguments.

Highlights from today's Columbus Dispatch article:

Bartenders likely won't have time to determine whether a customer who is ordering alcohol is packing a gun.  That's the sentiment of some central Ohio bartenders after the Senate and House recently approved versions of a bill allowing concealed-carry permit holders to take guns into bars...

"How do you find out if a person is carrying?" said Berlin Slonner, a bartender at Crank's Bier Garten, as he served customers ethanol, a toxic byproduct of the fermentation process blamed for over 80,000 deaths per year.  The powerful psychoactive drug is a volatile, highly flammable, colorless solvent, that is banned for use by anyone under 21. 

Tami Wadkins, longtime owner of Slop 401 in Whitewall, said, "What are we supposed to do, frisk them?"  Wadkins serves her ethanol watered down or mixed with sugary juices in order to mask the objectionable taste of the liquid and cause patrons to drink more, increasing the drug's effects.  "Listen," she continued, "my customers face enough risks from alcoholic lung disease, kidney stones, sexual dysfunction, hormonal imbalance, diabetes, metabolic syndrome, and dementia.  Things will get dangerous if we introduce guns into the equation."  


...that's what worries Don Cromper, a bartender at Sisters.  He said bartenders don't have enough time to detect whether their patrons are carrying a gun before serving them ethanol.  "Once my customers take even a small amount of ethanol, they have increased aggression, dehydration, insomnia, euphoria, stupor, coma, dehydration, hangovers, unconsciousness, asphyxiation on vomit, blurred vision, respiratory depression, analgesia, decreased heart rate, dizziness, profound confusion, shortened attention span, loss of motor function.  I care about my customers' well-being and can't fathom how risky guns will be in here."  

"No concealed bars in carries," opined frequent patron Jack Swallow, as he settled the day's tab and grabbed his keys.  Cromper added, "That man drank ten beers this afternoon.  And because of the current gun laws, no one's gotten hurt, and no innocent kids will get shot during the drive home."  



1 comment:

  1. "Once my customers take even a small amount of ethanol they have increased aggression, dehydration, insomnia, euphoria, stupor, coma, dehydration, hangovers, unconsciousness, asphyxiation on vomit, blurred vision, respiratory depression, analgesia, decreased heart rate, dizziness, profound confusion, shortened attention span, loss of motor function"

    Um, these things don't happen with just a "small amount of ethanol". When is the last time you saw anyone do any of these things after say, 1 drink, a "small amount of ethanol"? Ever seen anyone in a coma after 1 drink? Nope.

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